I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
