So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize