I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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