This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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