I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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