I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
a search helicopter?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
