I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
