last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
