i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
