Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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