she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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