cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
