I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
