I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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