dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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