I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
