What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
