We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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