It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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