I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need water and some morals
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
