pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
