But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
