Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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