Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
