I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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