Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
