I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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