i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
