i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
