okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
