Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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