I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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