haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He better not be in your backpack
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
