found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
