Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
