we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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