i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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