So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
