I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
