When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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