there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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