Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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