So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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