If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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