Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
