And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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