I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
