The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
