I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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