i think i have two assholes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
