Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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