He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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