If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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