What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
from now on my penis is your penis
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
