could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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