the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
