trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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