im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
