ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize