Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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