I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize