i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
